tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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