you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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