i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
