Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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