Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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