yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
