So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
