North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
