It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
