Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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