he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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