Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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