Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
