we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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