i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
