No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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