maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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