ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
