The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
