I'm jealous of your bromance
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
