Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
