Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
