The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
