I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
