we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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