but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
