So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
