i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
