those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
