just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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