Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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