Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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