I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She bit a glass in half.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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