I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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