I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
