Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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