Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
