What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
