It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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