worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
