i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
