my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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