This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
