Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize