i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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