I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
