He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
