So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
