I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
