Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
