She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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