tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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