you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
