No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
