I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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