i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
