I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
