I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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