do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
