God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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