I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize