If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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