please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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