guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
