I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
