I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
