Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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