omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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