My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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