The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was like eating out sand paper
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
