sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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