u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
