As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
