I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize