I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
