I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
