The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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