There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
