you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
