Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
