I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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