Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
