I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Damn victory sex feels great
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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