she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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