She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
