what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
