let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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