John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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