i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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