you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize