We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
