we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
