it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
