forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
