Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
