PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
