she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
