Banned from zoo.
Again?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
