I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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