It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
