he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
